Difficult Week

I know, I know. It's been a week since I've last written. I was doing so well with writing each day. Tapping into my thoughts and emotions, sharing my heart. And in all honesty, had I continued, this week might not have been as difficult. If I had been more diligent and committed, the outcome might have gone a different way.

I'm not going to bore you with the details. Suffice it to say I made a mistake and am paying the consequences. I made a promise to a group of people. But I didn't do everything within my power to keep up my end of the promise. Of course, I don't feel they did either, but they are the ones with more "authority" in the situation, so they took action against me.

As a result, I find a gaping hole in my heart as an area of service has been ripped out from under me. I find myself disheartened and lacking enthusiasm. It's difficult to muster any motivation. And I couldn't help but wonder if you had been in my life now, how you would have been involved. More than likely, I'd have come to you and asked for some distraction, something to take my mind off the issue.

I seem to be doing more and more often these days. Imagining what you would do or say or how you'd react to day-to-day experiences in my life. And with that, comes the thought about how I would be involved in your life. In what ways would I contribute and make your load easier to bear. Because in all honesty, life can be handled alone...but it's so much better when it's shared.

May God bring you to me soon.