Mother's Day

(sigh) Well, another year passes and I experience the same sense of 'loss' when the church recognizes and celebrates mothers in the congregation. Not that I've lost, but I feel the heaviness in my heart that I haven't yet reached that dream. Ever since I was a young girl, I've dreamed of being a wife and mother. Helping raise my two younger brothers gave me some real-life, practical experience. For some, that would drive them away.

Not for me.

It only made my desire stronger as the years passed. Probably why the stirring in my heart toward writing and web site design and home business has been so strong. I'll be able to be with my children and still help provide financially for my family. I won't feel like I'm leaving the entire burden on my husband...you...and will be a true partner in the finances as well as the running of the household.

Today, though, the loneliness hit me rather hard when the pastor read from Proverbs 31 about a woman's children and her husband rising up and calling her blessed, praising her. I didn't even have my own mother there so I could join the prayer blessing. She and Dad and my youngest brother attend a different church.

I know my own blessings will come, but it's difficult seeing so many of my friends married, starting families, celebrating their love, and I'm still sitting on the sidelines. Okay, so I'm not exactly sitting still while I'm waiting for you to come into my life. But, sometimes it feels like it, since my greatest heart's desire has yet to be fulfilled.

On the flip side, at least for now, I can focus on getting my life in order and establishing my career(s) so when it's time to start a family, I will be able to focus on them and you. I've also been able to do a lot of traveling and rack up a lot of experiences that never would have been possible had I been married with children in tow.

The blessings in my life as a current single are immense, but that doesn't make it any easier to realize the hole that can only be filled by you and children. God is amazingly abundant to keep me going day in and day out with unconditional love, support and presence. I have what I need for now, but I long for when I will receive the double-blessing of your love and a family as a result of that love. Knowing it is coming gives me a reason to smile each day and live in hope.