Easier to Remain Single?

I had a thought tonight about my current situation and my past relationships...or lack thereof...and it made me wonder about my fears. Although I greatly desire the intimacy and companionship that will come with a loving relationship, the idea of sharing that closeness with someone both thrills and scares me. I have often had visions or dreams, flashes if you will, of my future. In them, I am happily married with children running around the house. I've even seen myself curled up on a couch watching a movie with my future husband...which would be you. *g*

It's enough confirmation to know it *is* in my future, but because I've been without even the beginning stages of a relationship, I find myself second-guessing my ability to get past that initial uncertainty. Is he really interested in me? Are we just friends? Am I coming on too strong? Have I said or done something that's caused him to back off?

All of these questions and more plague my mind when I encounter men with whom I've developed friendships. It seems that's the only stage I can master. None of them have wanted to go further, and that can really take its toll on a gal's self-esteem and confidence. I mean, is something "wrong" with me? Is there something I can change to make myself more attractive to men so they consider me a potential mate? Is my vertical relationship not as strong, or is my focus wrong, and as a result does that mean the true desires of my heart are just outside my reach?

God says in His word to trust Him, and I do. But it's not easy living each day not knowing. I realize I can have confidence that He has my best interests at heart, and I deep down I do. However, my flesh often fights for a piece of the action and causes the insecurities to surface.

Sometimes, I wonder if it might not be easier to continue dreaming and just stay where I am. But God challenges us to step outside our comfort zone, and if we're not willing to take the risk, we'll never grow. So, with God's help, I'm going to leave everything in His capable hands. I know it won't be easy, and it's going to take a lot of prayer and surrender. If God sees fit to lay it on your heart, I hope you're praying for us too.

We're gonna need it!